My Favourite Color is You

I wasn't sure if I was going to talk about you Because, I have never talked about you. I have kept you a secret, I'm not sure if I was protecting you... or me. I was 14.  You were 23.  You knew better, but I didn't even know, at first.  My young heart had just been broken for the first time and you were there to pick up the pieces.  You held me as I cried, you said you would be there for me.  You told me it was for the best, you said he was never coming back...  At first I didn't believe you.  But you never left my side.  You never let me down.  You called me, you checked on me, you bought me things.  You asked me out.  You made me feel so special.  I was only 14, then 15.  But you liked me.  You were grown and you said I wasn't like the other young girls, I was mature.  You wouldn't ever leave me.  You'd wait for me, not like him.  You were nothing like him.  You wanted to marry me.  Me...

March 15, 2003 just one week before this punk rock girl turned 18, because rebels you know, she walked down the aisle to marry the love of her life, while a Sigor Ros song, that lasted just long enough to make everyone squirm, because, rebels you know, played. Afterwards on the way to the reception, this giddy new bride looked deeply into the brown eyes of her groom and he said “you know this may not work right?” She held his hand, staring back with her naive, hopelessly hopeful blue eyes and said softly “I know”. Obviously, he was right... It worked for about 4 years, none of which really worked.  But, I think back on none of my life with any regret or sorrow. Only fondness for the experiences and wisdom I gained from pain and from joy. For the love I felt and I gave. I would not be who I am today, if it were not for every decision I have made in my life. And I’m not even close to being done learning, growing and loving. Because I’ll only stop when I take my last breath.

The Darkness I met you for the first time when I was just 12. You came to my window and whispered "I have something to show you, do you want to see? Won't you let me in?".  I opened the window and you filled my room.  Darkness.  You floated around me.  "I can hold you, aren't you lonely, aren't you tired? You can rest with me. I am the only one who understands you." you said.  So I let you in.  You held me in your embrace.  You were cold, but so was I.  You were empty, but so was I.  I was alone and broken, but now I had you...  You consumed me.  I could feel you in my veins.  The only one who understood me.  I wasn't alone anymore, but somehow, I was more alone than ever before.  Cold.  Darkness.  Every morning I woke up, you would whisper "Why are you here? No one cares about you, no one understands you... only I do".  You comforted me, as the hole in my heart grew bigger.  "What is this thing ...