The Darkness
The Darkness
I met you for the first time when I was just 12. You came to my window and whispered "I have something to show you, do you want to see? Won't you let me in?". I opened the window and you filled my room. Darkness. You floated around me. "I can hold you, aren't you lonely, aren't you tired? You can rest with me. I am the only one who understands you." you said. So I let you in. You held me in your embrace. You were cold, but so was I. You were empty, but so was I. I was alone and broken, but now I had you... You consumed me. I could feel you in my veins. The only one who understood me. I wasn't alone anymore, but somehow, I was more alone than ever before. Cold. Darkness. Every morning I woke up, you would whisper "Why are you here? No one cares about you, no one understands you... only I do". You comforted me, as the hole in my heart grew bigger. "What is this thing you call a life? It doesn't get any better here. Come with me... come with me... I will save you" you beckoned. I tried to ignore you. But, I had already let you in and you weren't leaving. All day, every day, you were there. The only one who was there for me. No one else even noticed...
One day we took a walk, "let me show you my favorite place" I said. We walked up a trail, up to the top. Your darkness began to take over me. You whispered "Look down over that ledge, look down at the water below... do you want to come with me? Do you want to be free from this pain? Jump. Jump off this ledge and you will finally be free, free with me forever". I looked over the ledge. "Jump" you said... jump.
I couldn't. What if it didn't work? What if I didn't die...
"What's wrong with you?" you snarled. "Don't you want to be happy? Why won't you come with me?"
The comfort you brought me quickly became torment and guilt. "Why are you here? You have no purpose. You have no future. This is it. Come with me... come with me". Why am I here? I have nothing to look forward to... this is as good as it gets... I don't want to be here anymore.
The pain of you in my veins started to become unbearable, so unbearable, I became numb. I could no longer feel, anything. I couldn't even cry. So, one day you took me to a drawer. "Do you want to feel again? Do you want to feel something other than this pain in your veins? Let me show you the way." I opened the drawer and found a razor blade. "Let me just try it once..." I said. The pain, I felt it. It was a rush. My heart beat faster. I could... feel. "Very good" you said. "Do it again".
And we continued. You became more and more a part of me and I became less and less... me.
I tried to hide you, I didn't want anyone to know. You were the only thing I had, the only one I had. I didn't want them to take you from me. But one day, we got caught... and I was saved. Just in time. It was a long road, getting you out of my head. Putting life back into my veins. But I did. I did it. I found hope. And my world turned from darkness, to vibrant colors, like I had never seen before. I could see, I could feel, I could love, I could breathe! You were a lie, you were always a lie. Out to destroy me and take my soul into the darkness forever.
This is where I learned just how beautiful life is. I've been face to face with the darkness and the darkness lived inside of me. But I won. And I will never let you back in.
Every now and then, I hear you at my window. Calling me... "Aren't you lonely? Won't you let me in...? No one understands you like I do." No darkness, no. You are not welcome here. I know who you are and I know your lies. You tried to steal the most precious thing from me... my life. You are never welcome here, again.
I met you for the first time when I was just 12. You came to my window and whispered "I have something to show you, do you want to see? Won't you let me in?". I opened the window and you filled my room. Darkness. You floated around me. "I can hold you, aren't you lonely, aren't you tired? You can rest with me. I am the only one who understands you." you said. So I let you in. You held me in your embrace. You were cold, but so was I. You were empty, but so was I. I was alone and broken, but now I had you... You consumed me. I could feel you in my veins. The only one who understood me. I wasn't alone anymore, but somehow, I was more alone than ever before. Cold. Darkness. Every morning I woke up, you would whisper "Why are you here? No one cares about you, no one understands you... only I do". You comforted me, as the hole in my heart grew bigger. "What is this thing you call a life? It doesn't get any better here. Come with me... come with me... I will save you" you beckoned. I tried to ignore you. But, I had already let you in and you weren't leaving. All day, every day, you were there. The only one who was there for me. No one else even noticed...
One day we took a walk, "let me show you my favorite place" I said. We walked up a trail, up to the top. Your darkness began to take over me. You whispered "Look down over that ledge, look down at the water below... do you want to come with me? Do you want to be free from this pain? Jump. Jump off this ledge and you will finally be free, free with me forever". I looked over the ledge. "Jump" you said... jump.
I couldn't. What if it didn't work? What if I didn't die...
"What's wrong with you?" you snarled. "Don't you want to be happy? Why won't you come with me?"
The comfort you brought me quickly became torment and guilt. "Why are you here? You have no purpose. You have no future. This is it. Come with me... come with me". Why am I here? I have nothing to look forward to... this is as good as it gets... I don't want to be here anymore.
The pain of you in my veins started to become unbearable, so unbearable, I became numb. I could no longer feel, anything. I couldn't even cry. So, one day you took me to a drawer. "Do you want to feel again? Do you want to feel something other than this pain in your veins? Let me show you the way." I opened the drawer and found a razor blade. "Let me just try it once..." I said. The pain, I felt it. It was a rush. My heart beat faster. I could... feel. "Very good" you said. "Do it again".
And we continued. You became more and more a part of me and I became less and less... me.
I tried to hide you, I didn't want anyone to know. You were the only thing I had, the only one I had. I didn't want them to take you from me. But one day, we got caught... and I was saved. Just in time. It was a long road, getting you out of my head. Putting life back into my veins. But I did. I did it. I found hope. And my world turned from darkness, to vibrant colors, like I had never seen before. I could see, I could feel, I could love, I could breathe! You were a lie, you were always a lie. Out to destroy me and take my soul into the darkness forever.
This is where I learned just how beautiful life is. I've been face to face with the darkness and the darkness lived inside of me. But I won. And I will never let you back in.
Every now and then, I hear you at my window. Calling me... "Aren't you lonely? Won't you let me in...? No one understands you like I do." No darkness, no. You are not welcome here. I know who you are and I know your lies. You tried to steal the most precious thing from me... my life. You are never welcome here, again.
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